


Hand you the Keys to your Cell

by Harpokrates



Category: Final Fantasy VII
Genre: Gen, Not Beta Read
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-13
Updated: 2019-02-13
Packaged: 2019-10-27 05:15:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,424
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17760467
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Harpokrates/pseuds/Harpokrates
Summary: Infiltrating a pimp's mansion. What could go wrong?





	Hand you the Keys to your Cell

"Well?" Cloud said roughly.

Aeris twirled her finger in the air.

"What?"

"Spin around, silly."

Cloud sighed and stomped in a tiny circle. He… well, he _looked_ alright. If Aeris didn't know he was a man, she'd assume he was a lady, and a rather lovely one at that. But the second he did anything other than stand still the illusion shattered. He was too heavy—his weight didn't fall right. He kept tripping over the hem of his lovely dress, and threatened to tear the decorative beading out with his little one-inch heels.

"Something's… off." Aeris tapped her chin, shifting her weight to her other leg.

"Just something?" Cloud muttered under his breath. He grinned at her when she narrowed her eyes; the expression didn't fit his face, but that wasn't new.

"You still move like a guy." She nodded. "Yeah, I think that's the problem."

"Okay. How do I fix it?" Cloud fiddled with his bra strap, dislodging the pair of socks shoved down his front. They didn't have any breast forms, so Aeris took a cue from her teenage years and made do with a pair of clean socks. Cloud caught a glimpse of his extremely lumpy chest in the mirror and sighed, then slipped back into the changing room to readjust.

Aeris took the opportunity to stare at herself in the mirror. She stood up, walked a few paces back and walked forwards, then stopped. Yeah, okay.

Cloud reemerged, struggling with the zip. Aeris ducked behind him and pulled it up for him, then fiddled with his choker so it more completely covered his throat.

"Thanks." Cloud rolled his shoulders back. "I can barely breathe in this crap. How do you do this?"

"Well, girls don't normally wear corsets. We've got curves." Aeris traced out an hourglass shape.

"Yeah, whatever." Cloud blushed under his make up. He flustered so easily. "What now?"

"Now, you follow me. Let's go around Wall Market a few times so you can get your walking right, and we can see if anything needs adjusting once you're in motion."

"Great. Can't wait for it." Cloud grunted, heading out the door. The dressmaker was obviously thrilled to see his creation come to life, and he waved then away cheerily. Cloud frowned in response.

"Okay, lesson one: be nicer." Aeris said, swatting Cloud on the back of his hand.

"What?"

"Girls have to be nice." She nodded. "So _you_ need to be more polite. Smile at people."

Cloud stared at her blankly. "That's stupid."

Aeris wasn't about to argue that.

"Why should I have to be nice?"

" _Because_ , Cloud, if you're rude, people take notice and guys start heckling you. We can't afford to attract attention."

"But if I'm friendly, won't that also attract attention? I mean, I'm gonna try and chat up the girl smiling at me, not the one who cusses me out."

"It's a no win situation. Just lay low. Don't get angry. Act like, ummm." Aeris tapped her chin again. "Act like your mother, right? Like an elegant lady."

Cloud stiffened, and she knew she'd said the wrong thing.

"Or how about," Aeris said quickly, looking around, "uh, her!"

She pointed to the faded advertisement for LOVELESS, the beautiful lead staring wistfully at the crowds and dirt of Sector Seven.

Cloud squinted. "Yeah, okay."

"Okay!"

They started walking towards the Don's Manor. Cloud was doing better. He'd abandoned the shoulders first masculine swagger in favor or something more delicate. He wasn't quite at the swaying hips catwalk stage, but he wasn't so aggressively male now. But the heels.

Aeris caught Cloud for the fifth time as he misstepped and turned his ankle.

"Why the hell do I have to wear these things?" He whispered, aware of the crowd. "It's not like I need to be taller."

"Heels don't just make you taller," Aeris corrected, "they make your calves look nice. More elongated and elegant, y'know?"

"And I need all the elegance I can get." Cloud glanced plateward before sighing again and walking, slowly this time. Eh. He'd pass.

Again, standing still, he could be a model, or one of those high class courtesans that hung off the arms of wealthy men. Hopefully the Don's audition didn't require any athletics.

By the time they lapped Wall Market twice, Cloud had managed to, not master heels, but at least become competent enough to not fall standing still.

Aeris giggled and waved at the doorman, grabbing Cloud's hand and tugging him towards the manor with her.

"Heyyyyyy," she tittered, fluttering her heavily mascaraed eyelashes. Cloud was fluttering his eyelashes too, although that was probably because he was unused to the weight of falsies.

"Uh, hey," the man stammered, "you, uh, brought your friend?"

"Uh-huh!" Aeris pushed Cloud forwards. "This is Miss Cloud."

"Miss Cloud, huh?" The guy eyed Cloud and whistled. "Damn, your friend is hot. Don's a lucky man."

He stepped aside and let them in, which Aeris suspected was entirely a ploy to stare at Cloud's butt, not that you could see anything under the puffy dress. There wasn't even anything fun under the crinoline, as Cloud had insisted on boxers. He'd also wanted the most boring sports bra they could steal from the Honey-Bee Inn's laundry line, but Aeris convinced him that a lacy push-up would hide his flat chest better. The fancy straps also broke up the broad line of his shoulders, and his fluster about them showing and near constant readjustment was more authentic than any padding could be.

"Fuckin' lech." Cloud muttered once they were out of earshot.

"We've got to do something about your voice."

"No, _we've_ got to find Tifa."

"Right." The entryway was empty—someone was obviously not doing his job of showing them to Corneo's girl stable, so Aeris began peeking through keyholes and trying to get a glimpse of shadows under doorways.

Cloud just yanked the doors open.

"Cloud!" Aeris hissed, waving him down. "Don't do that!"

"What?" Cloud stared at her blankly.

"What if you open a door and there's a guy with a gun behind it?"

"I beat him up." He said it like it was obvious. Men knew nothing about subterfuge. Aeris rolled her eyes and checked another door. Cloud opened one with an echoing slam.

"This one's got stairs." He hitch his dress up above his knees and started walking downstairs. Aeris rushed over to follow him, grabbing onto his arm for support. Heels _were_ a bad idea, but she needed to be at least as tall as Cloud. One giant woman was odd, especially next to her petite friend, but two together looked less strange. Similarities and all that.

"You okay?" Cloud glanced at her, his eyes unnaturally bright in the darkness.

"This is spooky." Aeris whispered. The further down they went, the stronger the smell of stale sweat and damp and… other stuff, got.

"I'll protect you." Cloud smiled at her, then stumbled the last step when his heel slipped on the bar grating. He landed on his foot in a way that would have snapped a normal person's ankle, but he just winced and grunted.

Aeris pretended not to notice.

There was a woman in the basement, standing next to something Aeris was fairly certain was a torture table. Creepy.

"Hello?" She said cautiously, stepping into the flickering fluorescent light. "Tifa?"

Next to her, Cloud cussed under his breath and about faced, staring fixedly at the stairs.

The woman startled, then looked over at them. She was truly lovely, with long, shiny hair and a blue minidress pulled tight over her curves. She… actually Cloud looked more effeminate than she did, owing mostly to her exposed arms. The dressmaker had been wise to cover up Cloud's skinny-muscle biceps. This woman was outright brawny, all sculpted shoulders and firm forearms. Aeris followed the line of her exposed collarbone to the center of her chest, then refocused her thoughts.

A moment of deep sympathy flashed across her face. "Yeah. Are you auditioning for Don Corneo?"

"In a way. I'm Aeris." She held out her hand, and Tifa shook it roughly, calluses on her palms slipping against Aeris' smoother skin.

"You…" Tifa stared at her face. "You're Cloud's friend. From the park."

"Right!" Aeris grinned.

"Does he know you're here? This is kinda…" she looked to the side, "dangerous."

"Oh, don't you worry about me!" Aeris flapped her hand. "I brought along a little bodyguard. We're here to rescue you."

Tifa glanced over her shoulder at Cloud, clearly unimpressed. Aeris rolled her eyes again and tugged Cloud over to Tifa and her.

"Hey, Tifa." Cloud said quietly.

Tifa blinked a few times, frowned, then boggled. Her mouth gaped and her eyes went so wide Aeris thought they might fall out of her head.

"Cloud?!"

"Miss Cloud." Aeris helpfully corrected.

Tifa searched Cloud's face, trying to find her friend under the foundation and lipstick.

"Um, wow. You look… good. Why?" She shook the confusion out of her face and got serious. "What happened back there, Cloud? Are you hurt?" Tifa began a patdown of Cloud, searching for broken bones and scabs.

Cloud batted her away. "I'm fine, Tifa. Look, we're here to save you. C'mon, let's get outta here before the Don shows up."

Tifa backed up and shook her head. "No good, Cloud. Ah." She glanced at Aeris.

"Oh, I'll just be over here." Aeris tittered, and walked over to the corner to plug her ears. She couldn't make out much, but Cloud started gesturing emphatically, and Tifa responded in kind. She got so curious that it overcame her manners and she uncovered her ears.

"I've gotta be his girl for tonight, Cloud."

"Absolutely not, Tifa. It's too dangerous. Besides, you've got a one in three chance. What happens to the losers?"

"Excuse me," Aeris piped up, "I couldn't help but overhear…"

Cloud crossed his arms and frowned at her.

"Butttt, if you know all three girls, then you've got a three in three chance, right? You can't fail. And," Aeris swirled her finger around the room. "We've got three girls right here."

"Aeris, no." Cloud said. "I can't let you get involved with this."

Aeris turned to Tifa. "So, what do I need to ask him if I get picked."

"You sure?"

Aeris waved her hand. "I was raised in the slums, silly. I'm a big girl; I can handle myself."

"Alright. We need to know why Don Corneo wants information on AVALANCHE, and who wants him to get it."

"That terrorist group?"

"Yeah."

This could be bad.

"Okay." Aeris said, instead of something rational like 'nevermind actually I'm going home'.

Cloud looked like he wanted to argue, but the door slammed open before he could say anything.

"Hey! The Don wants to see you." Another man, one of Corneo's employees they hadn't seen yet, shouted down at them.

Aeris winked at Tifa and walked upstairs, careful to keep from slipping. Cloud and Tifa followed her, Cloud going last, presumably to hide how unsteady he was.

Corneo's man showed them into an extravagant office. The air stank like smoke and coin Gil.

"Look at this." Don Coreno turned in his chair, leering at them over his bribes. "Look at this."

His voice, and in fact his entire person, gave off the impression of oozing slime. The Don was balding ungracefully, his remaining thin blond hair brushed forward and slicked down with too much pomade. It was at odds with the bold tattoo inked onto the side of his head. His clothing was expensive, but ill-fitting, and his hands were heavy with jeweled rings. His feet were propped up on the desk, and he stared at them through hazy eyes, between his polished white leather loafers.

"Three lovely ladies." He sideled out from behind his desk. He was short and squat, real roly-poly.

Aeris didn't like to judge on appearance, but Don Coreno was perhaps the ugliest man she had ever seen. His personality didn't help.

"So, which one of you is my lucky bride for tonight?" He walked by them, staring intently at their faces as he went.

He stopped at Cloud, long enough to make Aeris hold her breath, but Cloud jerked his chin away, staring resolutely into the middle distance to his left. The Don grinned. Aeris shuddered, barely holding back a grimace.

"I like shy girls," he crooned, "what's your name, sweetheart?"

Aeris caught Tifa wincing.

"Cloud," Cloud said lightly. His voice wasn't girly, but if he spoke softly and kept the husk out of it, he was a decent alto.

"Cloud, huh?" Corneo twirled a few strands of Cloud's wig around his fat fingers. "You wanna spend the night with me, baby?"

"Well…"

"Take the rest." He nodded to his pair of goons and tugged Cloud forwards. "You come back with me."

"I, uh," Cloud protested, looking back at Aeris and Tifa. Real fear flooded his face, not for himself, but for her and Tifa. Tifa nodded at him, face set in stone.

"Keep playing hard to get," Corneo said, dragging Cloud back to his private rooms, "I like it."

They vanished behind the folding screen.

"Well, ladies," the taller of Corneo's henchmen rubbed his hands together, "the Don don't got time for you, but we can make an exception."

He sidled up next to Tifa, reaching out to pinch her. Tifa rolled her eyes. Almost faster than Aeris could see, she grabbed the guy's arm and cracked it behind his back. Tifa snagged a fistful of his gelled hair and slammed his face down onto Coreno's desk. When she let go, he slumped to the side. Blood dribbled down from his hairline.

"H-hey!" The other guy shouted, scrambling for his knife. Aeris stomped on his boot with her heel, piercing the leather, then Tifa uppercutted him. He fell next to his buddy, drooling blood and spit.

Tifa dusted off her hands, her lip curled. "Pervert."

"That was amazing," Aeris whispered, aware of Corneo's presence in the next room.

"Uh, thanks." Tifa flustered. "Anyways, let's go get Cloud."

"I can't believe he picked Cloud," Aeris shook her head.

 

"Maybe he likes blondes?" Tifa shrugged, hiking up her skirt to reveal the shorts she was wearing underneath. "Or tall girls?"

"Ugh, let's hope not." Aeris winked, then kicked off her heels, dropping five inches, and snagged the boots from the shorter of Corneo's men. She stuffed them with documents from Corneo's desk until they fit.

"C'mon," Tifa nodded towards Coreno's room. They would hear the quiet sound of chatter through the door.  No one was yelling, so Cloud's cover probably hadn't been blown.

They sidled up to the door. Aeris pressed her ear to the ornately carved wood.

"Who's Barret?" She whispered to Tifa.

"Leader of AVALANCHE."

Aeris considered responding, but there was a bump, then a crash.

Cloud muttered something, and Don Corneo shrieked.

"A man?!"

Tifa kicked open the door.

Cloud looked thirty seconds from tearing Coreno's arm off, and his dress was a little wrinkled, but he seemed otherwise unharmed.

Don Corneo's face quivered with rage. "Guards!" He bellowed.

"Fat chance, Don." Tifa cracked her knuckles.

Cloud sneered. "Help ain't coming."

He caught Corneo when he tried to flee and tossed him back on the bed.

"Talk, Coreno. What did you find out about AVALANCHE?"

"You think you can make me talk, pretty boy?" The Don scoffed. "I deal with bigger bastards than you on the daily."

"You talk," Cloud used every inch (including the one added by the heels) to loom over Corneo. His eyes flicked momentarily to Corneo's crotch, and his expression shifted from a sneer to a downright nasty smirk, "or I chop 'em off."

The Don gulped.

"Well?" Cloud reached for a letter opener on Corneo's bedside table.

"I'll talk! They wanted me to find out who the man with the gun-arm was! To find out where his base was! That's all, I swear!"

"Who's 'they'?" Tifa spoke up.

Corneo paled, shaking his head. "I-I can't! I'll be killed!"

"Talk!" Tifa slammed her fist on Corneo's beside table, splintering the wood.

"Or I'll rip 'em off." Aeris stepped forwards, looking down her nose at the Don. A vision in red wasn't very threatening, but back her up with a pair of furious eco-terrorists and she became enforcer of the year.

"Heidegger!" Corneo shrieked, voice high and choked. "It was Heidegger!"

Cloud drew back. "The Public Safety Head?"

"Shinra?" Tifa looked at Cloud. He nodded.

Back to Corneo. "What do the Shinra want to know? What are they up to?"

Corneo glanced off to the side, swallowing. His Adams apple bobbed under the sweaty, pale skin of his throat.

"Talk!" Tifa's hand clenched around one of his bedposts. It crumpled. "Or I'll _smash_ 'em."

Corneo shrieked and covered his crotch. "Ahhhaha, you're serious, aren't you? Oh boy oh boy oh boy." He swallowed. "Shinra wants info on AVALANCHE, the terrorists. They're going to destroy those rats."

Tifa's knuckles popped under her skin.

"We've already found their base—some bar in the Sector Seven slums. And they," he giggled, a little hysterically, "they're going to crush them—literally!"

"What?" Tifa whispered.

"They're going to destroy the Sector Seven support beams—drop the whole plate on the slums!" Corneo grinned manically. "It'll wipe out those terrorists and that shit Hodde, trying to ease in on my turf!"

"Cloud, we need to go, now." Corneo forgotten, Tifa turned to Cloud, who, to his surlish credit, looked genuinely horrified by Shinra's plan.

"Right."

As one, they turned for the door.

"Just a second!" Corneo called out, clearing his throat.

"Shut up!" Cloud snapped, brandishing the letter opener.

"It'll only take a second," the Don said, "just one question: how do you think scum like me feel when they babble secrets?"

Cloud exchanged an alarmed glance with Tifa.

"They're sure they'll win," he whispered, eyes wide. He lunged for Corneo, but not before Corneo grinned triumphantly.

"Bingo!" Corneo shouted, and slammed his fist down on a switch by his bed.

The floor opened up beneath them and Aeris' heart rocketed into her throat as she fell into darkness.

 

* * *

 

The smell brought Cloud back to cognizance.

SOLDIER had given him enhanced senses, which were excellent in all cases except this one. He covered his nose with his hand and tried not to gag.

"Everyone okay?" He said, voice nasal.

"Are we in a sewer?" Aeris asked. She sounded miserable.

"I think so." Tifa responded. Cloud heard a splash from her direction, and squinted at her. The dim light his eyes provided was enough to make out her general shape. "We must be in the waterworks under Sector Six."

"Look out for bodies." Cloud said, and stood up. His get up was drenched, the soaking fabric twisting around his legs. He considered kicking off his heels but decided against it. Who knew what was in these tunnels.

"Are you serious?" Aeris blinked.

Cloud didn't respond, but walked over to help haul her onto her feet.

"Oh, wow," she said, squinting, "your eyes are _glowing_. I bet we don't even need a flashlight to get out of here."

"We don't even need that." Tifa said. Cloud heard the scrape off skin against stone. She was searching along the wall for something. "They have to be able to see when they do maintenance, so there should be—got it!"

She flipped a switch, and the overhead lighting came on with a shuddering crackle. Cloud squinted at the sudden brightness.

He hazarded a look down. Luckily, they must have been standing in the grey water—shower and sink run-off, not… much worse sewage. He could even make out his reflection through the haze. He frowned at the makeup dripping off his face and pulled off his wig, tossing it into the piles of refuse on the walkway.

He stashed the tiara in one of the folds of the dress and hoped it'd fall out before they left the sewer so he could pretend he hadn't.

"Turn around." He commanded, and stared at Tifa and Aeris until they did so. Tifa rolled her eyes, and Aeris gave him a shy smile, and they both busied themselves with looking at the sewer map on the wall.

Cloud unzipped the back of the dress to the waist and, after pulling his arms out and shimming the clasp around to his front, unclipped the bra. The corset shapewear thing cinching his lungs shut came off next, and for the first time since this whole fiasco began, Cloud took a deep breath.

He pulled the dress top back up. He wouldn't be an odd sight, running around the slums shirtless, but there was that scar on his chest, that he'd confirmed by mirror had a matching half on his back. Scars weren't strange in the slums either, but not knowing when you were skewered _was._

Sephiroth hadn't gotten him. He remembered that much. But between then and now? Vague flashes of riding in a truck, the feeling of being hunted, the sound of helicopter blades. If he thought about it too much, his head started aching.

It must have been from a fight with some monster. Plenty of creatures inhabiting Gaia had stinger tails and claws that could have left those scars.

Cloud shook his head and zipped the back of the dress up.

"I think we can get to the surface near Sector Seven from here," Tifa announced.

"Great."

"Do you really think Shinra will drop the plate?" Aeris asked.

Tifa flinched, then went hard. Something Cloud couldn't place flicked through her eyes, something beyond Sephiroth's madness. "Absolutely. We need to get back to Seventh Heaven. Barret or Jesse might be able to do something."

"Let's go, then," Cloud hauled himself up onto the concrete walkway, "we would've felt something if they already dropped the plate."

"Right." Aeris nodded. "And Corneo might have been lying."

"Maybe." Cloud shrugged noncommittally. Let Aeris keep her optimism. Tifa was panicked enough for all three of them.

He clambered onto the concrete, dress dripping stinking water. He opened his mouth, then snapped it shut.

"You hear that?" He said, squinting into the shadows.

"Hear what?" Tifa stepped into the next sector to turn on the lights and jumped back. Aeris yelped.

A hulking monster lurched out of the gloom with a piglike snuff. It was man-shaped, but hulking and deformed, purple and bulbous. Its hunched, horned back scraped the ceiling and it's tail smacked the sides of the sewer as it lashed back and forth. It's hands were bound in heavy manacles, one of with still dragged along a length of bulky chain. A forked tongue flickered out from between a maw of twisted teeth to taste the air.

That massive head shifted in their direction.

Cloud grabbed Tifa and Aeris' arms and pulled them back. The creature stared at them with glazed eyes. Maybe it was doped up on as much Hero Drink as its master.

"Get back." Cloud whispered.

"This is the only way out," Tifa said, not taking her eyes off the thing.

"Maybe if we—"

Cloud heel crunched down on a half broken bottle.

The monster's eyes snapped into awareness and it roared. Cloud flinched back and slapped his hands over his ears.

"Move!" Tifa shouted at him, over the roar of the beast. Cloud jumped into the water a split second before the monster smashed a chained fist into the concrete. He stared at it. Even Mako bones wouldn't survive something like that.

"Can you use materia?" Tifa said, tearing her skirt into slips and winding them around her knuckles.

"Yes!" Aeris kept out of the thing's slow reach, dancing back until she threatened to hit a wall.

"Catch!" Tifa tossed it to her and leapt onto the monster with a blur of punches. It roared and staggered back, and Cloud took the chance to cut a deep slit into it's flank with Corneo's letter opener.

"Out of the water!" Aeris commanded. "This is a lightning!"

Cloud ran, and caught Tifa as she fell out of her attack, hauling them both up onto the walkway. Aeris exhaled, then cast. Static buzz filled the air, making the hair on the back of Cloud's neck stand up, before a massive bolt of white electricity shot at the monster. Anything unfortunately enough to be in the water was probably boiled.

The beast shook it's head and bellowed balefully, swiping at Aeris.

"No, you don't!" Tifa leapt onto it's arm, dragging it down to the ground.

"I don't think Lightning did much!" Cloud shouted, ducking as the monster thrashed it's chain at him. "You have anything else?"

"Try this!" Tifa tossed a green orb at him, then jumped as the monster tried to skewer her with it's horns. She landed a heel kick between it's eyes before jumping away. She landed bad, but managed to get back to her feet.

Cloud missed the materia, and jumped back into the water to grab it.

"Cloud, out!" Aeris shouted. He looked up. The monster raised a heavy hand above Tifa.

"Cast, Aeris!" He shouted back.

"But—"

"Do it!" Cloud snatched the materia and ran up the monster's sinewy back. Static prickled his arms. One chance, or he was as boiled as the fish. His entire chest buzzed. Cloud stabbed the letter opener into the base of the monster's wrinkled throat and jumped back, casting Fire as he fell. Hot blood splashed him and his vision went white as Aeris cast Lightning. He felt, rather than saw, his materia heat up and blast the monster with white hot flame.

He landed with a splash. The monster landed next to him.

"Is it dead?" Aeris asked, stepping closer.

"Let's not stay to find out." Tifa hauled him up to his feet. Everything was still overexposed and fuzzy around the edges, but his eyes burned in that familiar way that meant his body was kicking into overdrive to heal everything before some sort of permanent damage occurred. He'd be fine.

"Yeah." Cloud coughed up smoke. "Thanks."

"That was dangerous." Aeris chided him.

"I like to live my life on the edge. Here," he handed his materia back to Tifa, who shook her head.

"Keep it. I'm no good with materia. You too, Aeris. That was some impressive casting."

"Oh, thanks!" Aeris grinned, then sobered. "We need to go."

"Right."

The monster was dead, but the threat of the plate still loomed over them. Cloud took off down the path at a lope.

"Let's mosey."

**Author's Note:**

> Title is from Nico Vega's Beast.
> 
> See you at Katsucon 2019!


End file.
